Open Letters

Being a man in today’s world comes with its own set of challenges—some that might not always be visible or acknowledged. I was recently asked what women might not like about being a man, and it got me thinking about the frustrations and misconceptions that many men face. Here’s my take on the struggles that some men experience, often in silence, and why these issues deserve a closer look.

1. Being Blamed for Everything

One of the most exhausting parts of being a man is the feeling that you’re always the default scapegoat. Whether it’s a societal issue, a relationship problem, or even a random misunderstanding, men often feel like the blame gets pinned on them without much thought. It’s as if there’s an unspoken rule that men are always at fault, and this constant finger-pointing can wear you down, making you feel like you’re walking on eggshells just to avoid being the “bad guy.”

2. The Pressure of Making the First Move—and the Fear of Misinterpretation

When it comes to dating, men are often expected to take the lead, whether it’s asking someone out or making the first romantic gesture. But in today’s climate, that expectation comes with a heavy dose of anxiety. What if she misinterprets your intentions? What if she feels threatened and accuses you of something serious—like harassment? The fear of being misunderstood, or worse, facing legal consequences like arrest, can make even the most genuine approach feel like a high-stakes gamble.

3. The Risk of Being Labeled a Threat with No Evidence

Tied to that fear is the reality that a woman can say a man makes her feel uncomfortable, and that alone might be enough for authorities to take drastic action. Imagine being hauled off by the police, not because of any concrete evidence, but simply because of someone’s subjective feeling. For many men, this creates a sense of vulnerability—knowing that their side of the story might not even be heard before they’re judged and punished.

4. Losing Connection with Your Kids

One of the most heartbreaking experiences for some men is being separated from their children, often during custody battles or family disputes. The legal system most times favor mothers, leaving fathers powerless as they’re distanced from their kids. This loss isn’t just logistical—it’s emotional, stripping away a core part of a man’s identity and leaving a void that’s hard to fill.

5. The Sting of Lies and Gaslighting

Men often feel that it’s far too easy for a lie to be spread about them—whether it’s an accusation or a rumor—and for that lie to take on a life of its own. What’s worse is when others, including women who might even know the truth, go along with it. They might dismiss your frustration, saying, “You can’t take a joke,” while you’re left dealing with the fallout. This kind of gaslighting can make you question your own reality and feel isolated in your struggle to set the record straight.

6. The Loss of Male Spaces

There’s a growing sense among some men that spaces traditionally meant for them—like certain hobbies, clubs, or even casual hangouts—are being encroached upon or taken away entirely. These spaces often provide a sense of camaraderie and understanding, a place where men can be themselves without judgment. Losing theses spaces is a loss of a vital outlet, leaving men with fewer places to connect and recharge.

7. Exclusion from “Women’s” Activities

On the flip side, men can also feel excluded from activities deemed “feminine,” like a ceramics class, simply because of their gender. The assumption that women wouldn’t want a man in their space—or that he doesn’t belong—can be frustrating. It’s a double standard: while inclusivity is encouraged in many areas, men are sometimes barred from exploring interests that don’t fit traditional gender norms, leaving them feeling boxed in.

8. The Stereotype of Being a Threat

One of the most pervasive stereotypes men face is the assumption that they’re inherently dangerous—whether as a potential thief, a predator, or even a pedophile. Walking into a store and feeling eyes on you, or noticing parents pull their kids closer when you’re nearby, can be a constant, humiliating experience. This automatic suspicion erodes trust and makes many men feel like they’re guilty until proven innocent, no matter how they act.

9. The Assumption That It’s Always About Sex

Finally, there’s the stereotype that men are always thinking about or wanting sex. This oversimplification ignores the depth of men’s emotions and intentions, reducing them to a single, primal urge. It can be frustrating to have your actions misinterpreted—whether you’re being friendly, helpful, or just trying to connect—because of this assumption. Men want to be seen as whole people, not walking stereotypes, but this misconception often stands in the way.

What would you consider unpleasant about being a man?